Tuesday, February 16, 2016

The Drive Within

I would think there's an instinctive understanding of what goes through the minds of poker players by other poker players, the way were built, how we strive and push, and together for heading out the window as we speak!!! whatever it takes to reach where we want to be, what we want to achieve.  Granted some of us are more goal driven, some of us willing to sacrifice more to reach those points and achievements, but I would think that we all have a basic understanding of the thoughts, emotions, and drives.  It actually surprises me that some of my readers don't seem to understand where I'm coming from, what I'm willing to risk and sacrifice to accomplish my goals, and so I decided that maybe if I explained my thought process it may give my readers a better understanding of me. Some may still think I belong locked up in an asylum for the insane, but hey that's nothing new is it lol.
First off, it cannot be understated how much I appreciate the good wishes, get well soons, the get betters, that my readers and friends have relayed to me both publicly and privately.  Just to know that I have that many people rooting for me to get well and get through this warms my heart in such a way that I am not used to expressing and it touches me deeply.  

Poker & Gambling 24/7 said:

Apparently you have a death wish. All these health issues and you can not make the commitment to even stop smoking to save your life? Much less the other changes that need to be made to live a decent life. Hope something can get through to you before it is too late.

Whoa Bro your assuming a lot.  Quitting cigarette smoking is something I'm trying to make a top priority.  It's not going to be done all at once but I'm definitely going to try to begin that process as soon as I get out of here.   I don't have a death wish but it might be said that I do push my body to extremes to go after my goals and quite frankly, as I told a friend earlier today, if it killed me then I be with my late wife so no matter what happens or how you look at it its a win-win.

Pete P Peters said in part:

I've learned a bit of your history from the web; and I've read your recent tweets, and this post. My impression is that your priorities are off. My unsolicited advice: it's time to prioritize your health over grinding micro stakes. I suspect this is an obvious statement. But I'll say it nonetheless, because when someone goes through what you've just gone through, and their reaction is to focus on playing poker, something is amiss. Your immediate efforts should be on doing everything in your power to get healthy. (1) Follow up with necessary medical treatment. (2) I don't know what your diet is, but be honest with yourself. Can you / should you be eating healthier? (3) Stop smoking. Stop smoking. Stop smoking. (4) Figure out whether you can begin some sort of exercise.

Thank you for your input Counselor your opinions concerns and time you took for this comment is appreciated
One thing that needs to be remembered is it's not just that I'm grinding micro stakes I am currently grinding micro stakes in pursuit of much much much larger rewards down the road in  which I want to be able to be actively obtaining of larger REWARDS on a daily basis and to get to that level I must grind the micro stakes for now for many hours a day. as to the four specific points you made
1) I am definitely going to be doing this religiously. With the fact that I'm going to be on a blood send of the rest of my life I have no choice So even though it will interfere in the daily grind I will have to keep all doctors appointments made.
2) should I be eating healthier? Of course. Too much processed foods but as a matter of fact at the beginning of this month I started adding more salad and tuna fish into my diet so I kind of begin the process then.
3) as stated above that is going to be a process that have plan of beginning as soon as I get out of the hospital. It will not be done all at once it will be a process but I'm going to give it a good try.
4)  that's an issue with the knees the bad leg, the asthma, and COPD.   It is not much I can do in this department

Pokerdogg said:

+1 to what P3 said. Have you asked your doctor about online grinding and its effect on blood clots? I know sitting in a plane for long flights can cause blood clots, can't help but wonder if playing online poker for long hours can contribute to blood clots as well. 
Best wishes for a speedy recovery.

Thanks for the well wishes Dogg when I grind online I do it from a laying position to keep the legs straight and because it's more comfortable but in an attempt to avoid what happened.  Turns out my doctor said in 20% of the patients the clots in the ling originated in the lung itself and I'm one of the 20% however with the addition of this blood thinner for life things like this will not happen again so long as we keep that blood thinned out.  

Zin said:

Quit smoking and drinking energy drinks, nothing but trouble. Wish you the best FD.

I'm going to be working on the process of quitting smoking as I have already previously mentioned but I don't drink energy drinks I take caffeine pills.  It turns out that the caffeine pills that I do take raise my blood pressure from a normal of 110 over 70 up to a maximum of 155 over 115 however this is a side effect that I am more than willing to accept to get my daily sessions accomplished.
So what does particular comments addressed what is there left to say except that yes I have seen the poker grind as my top priority thrown my house to the wind because nothing is more important than the grind aside from friends of course. To me accomplishing my goals is worth those risks, but let's be realistic about it I never thought in a million years I would almost end up dead. However, it must be remembered but the grind and the caffeine pills did not cause these problems. Thickness of blood in my body due to a genetic condition is what caused this rush to the hospital, this near death experience and nothing else did.

There are many professions in this world and I won't hit on all of them, that do the exact same thing, but why is it so acceptable for those other people but not for poker players like myself. Take a doctor that's has become an intern in a hospital. These guys are known to work 18, 20 hour shift sometimes 36 and 48 hours straight and you know damn well they're not doing it on willpower alone, but they are doing it they are, they're pushing themselves, their striving for their ultimate goal to become a doctor. I am doing it for the ultimate goal of becoming a full time professional alive cash game poker player and tournament player. Why is it so acceptable for one profession like the doctor but not the other like the poker player. To me it's not the profession but it's the passion, the drive, the determination, that the individual possesses for the love of their craft that is the underlying importance. I'm no doctor I'm just a poker player but no one could ever deny the drive in the passion I have for it.

After everything that has happened there are changes that are going to be made but not to my work schedule and not to my caffeine intake As I am willing to increase I am willing to accept the increase blood pressure as simply a tool of the trade. I will no longer be able to cancel doctors appointments due to it getting in the way of playing poker I will have to go to all of them. I will have to take my pills and medications on a daily basis, and until I am completely healed I will have to be on oxygen while I sleep but not during the day doctors orders and I will do these things but it will not affect the poker grinding anyway all it will do is dictate which days off during the month I do in fact take.
As I assume 99% of my readers are fellow poker players who much like myself have the drive and the passion for the craft I would totally expect them to understand me, to understand where I'm coming from, to understand the importance of setting goals and doing everything it takes to achieve them I understand that 99% of you are probably already there whereas I am still on the bottom or on the side of the latter that I have referred to before or is my one of my friends said still taking the first baby steps of this journey, but maybe you guys need to think back and remember what the journey was like when you were first starting out maybe you weren't, but maybe, just maybe you man to stand with a drive within me is coming from.

It is 8:31 p.m. Monday night and I am out of the hospital and back home. I am very weak, can do an activity for more than 15 seconds before I'm winded and tired but I will be gaining strength over the coming weeks. tonight I am just relaxing watching a hockey game on cable not grinding but I will be back at it tomorrow hopefully by 2 p.m. I need to fill my prescriptions in the late morning / early afternoon but I will be on the tables for a minimum 10 hour session. I have the volume to make up for. I am NOT ignoring the medical things that are happening nor am i ignoring the fact that I damn near died but if, but at the same time I refuse to allow that to dictate my life. My life goes on and I will not let anything slow me down. So to that end, have a great night everyone, take care, and I'll see you at the tables.


  1. truth be told, the vast majority of those reading our blogs do NOT grind poker for a living, they have jobs unlike u or me. they do not relate well. how do i email u a greeting card?

    1. I'll say this: both you, FD, and a certain famous poker player / blogger / world traveler, have one thing in common - you make our own schedules, and you have the ability to make time to take care of your personal needs. You can make time to cook for yourself and eat healthy. You can make time to exercise (other issues may hinder your efforts; but lack of time is not one of them). Same with you, Tony. If you feel like you are out of shape, do something about it. Spend an hour a day getting exercise. There is no excuse not to. If you're citing your "drive to grind" as the reason for not making personal changes, in my humble opinion, you're taking the easy route. There are many, many people who work long hours, who's schedules depend on the whims of others, who have work-related responsibilities beyond their immediate control, and who have additional responsibilities, including kids. Many of these folks prioritize their health and well being high enough to still eat right, exercise, and avoid consuming things that are patently impacting their health in a negative manner. Sure, there are also many who don't. But it is a choice.

      Taking caffeine pills, knowing they are raising your blood pressure to unsafe levels, is utterly foolish. You wrote: "I am doing it for the ultimate goal of becoming a full time professional alive cash game poker player and tournament player." Perhaps your typo was your subconscious' way of saying, "hey, sir - there aren't many dead poker pros . . ." In the grand scheme of things, making changes to your "work schedule," and the chemicals you ingest to maintain your work schedule, would seem like a reasonable compromise to get healthy.

      I don't want to "preach." Hell, I'm far from perfect myself. I drink too much; and I consume too much coffee. And that's one me. I know the choices are not always easily implemented into one's lifestyle. But, again, the choice is there to be made.

      Anyway, you owe nothing to anyone else. Good luck with whatever decisions you make.