Reaching the $400 account balance mark is being somewhat elusive the last couple of days. I went into yesterday's session needing $26 to get there. Once at $400 I can switch out a $10 table with a $20NL table. I got it as high as $396 and I have to admit that when I was that close I really wanted to say the hell with it and just fire up that $20 table, but I look at this as a test of discipline and I am glad to say that I have passed this test so far anyway. I ended yesterday's session with $396 and went into today needing less than $4 to be able to fire up a single $20 NL table.
Today's session was the opposite of yesterday as where I started out in the positive earnings yesterday, today I almost immediately went into the negative. Overall a lot of things were going wrong, but not everything was going wrong so it was a gradual decline all the way down to being down ($49) at approximately the 1200 hand mark. Wanting to clear $10 bonus every 3 days I went into today with 41 points needed so instead of a certain amount of hands being played, today I was going to play until I had cleared 41 points. I was able to recoup a couple of those buyins and was sitting down $26 when I won a $40 pot with only about 2 APPs to go to clear that bonus and the account was back to $390. I immediately realized if I could just get those final 2 APPs and finish with $390 when I added the $10 bonus in and the rakeback I would begin tomorrow with $400+, but that was not meant to be when I lost $20 back when I flopped the nut flush, my opponent flopped a set and rivered quads. When it was all said and done the session went 2152 hands and a loss of ($28.05) and thus ended my 5 session winning streak. However I did clear that $10 bonus plus two more dollars in rake back so it only made the day a net loss of of ($16) and I end of the night with a bankroll of $380 and change.
You know it's an absolute amazing feeling for a poker player when he/she is properly rolled. During this swing of positive variance that I experienced for 5 straight days I've noticed that ever since I've had a bankroll topping $350 all of a sudden I've had this attitude that no matter what happens it doesn't matter, I don't even care what happens because when it comes down to it no matter what the losses are they are inconsequential.
Now before anybody gets too freaked out about that let me explain exactly what I mean and I'm talking the swings within a session or multiple sessions. The other day I started with a bankroll I believe it was $364 starting me with 36 buyins for the $10 tables and I immediately went into a losing stretch where I dropped $39 and although I ended up winning $32 on the session the point is that during that point where I was down just shy of four buyins it absolutely did not faze me in the slightest. I had no emotional reaction to it at all, I didn't even care because, although nobody wants to lose money during a session even though we know it happens, I was in a position where the amount of buyins in my bankroll gave me such emotional freedom from it that it was like I was floating on a poker Cloud 9 of some sort. Back on the 9th when I restarted this cash game grind and I was doing it with 20 buyins and I would drop 3 or 4 buyins within a session, I won't say it made me nervous, but all of a sudden I had to start thinking about contingency plans and what I would do if a couple of more buyins ended up getting lost and things of this nature. It didn't affect my decision-making process at the tables as I was still shoving stacks when I felt the situation was correct, I was calling large bets when I felt I was ahead and things of that nature, but who knows maybe there were cases where it did affect me. We're there instances where I folded a hand that I would have called because of what I considered to be a somewhat low amount of buyins available. Certainly having to think about contingency plans if you lose a couple of more of this or that can't be psychologically good for any poker player and I'm no exception in this but as I passed 35 buyins I felt a release of pressure. I felt so relaxed like no matter what happened during that session or the following one or the one after that there was nothing that I couldn't overcome because of the appropriate bankroll amount. Even if I went into a downswing of 12 or 15 buyins and although I've never gone 15 as 12 is the worst I've seen I do know it could go further than that, but even if that happened I realized it didn't make a damn bit of difference because of the bankroll that I started that day with. I was invincible, there wasn't a damn thing in the world that poker could throw at me that I could not overcome in due time. This was not invincibility in that a Denny sort of delusion that no matter what I did I could win on my hands it was a feeling of invincibility that no matter what happened I could overcome it weather it took me three days, for days, or a week or more because of the bank roll I could overcome anything that was thrown my way good, bad, or indifferent.
I'm still beating myself up and probably rightfully so as I keep those earning statements on the right side of the blog. December through May just under $1,800 in withdrawals. I keep staring at it and I keep shaking my head. Yes, during that time there were just under $900 in deposits and yes, one could say that considering those deposits the net withdrawals was not $1800 but it was $900, but let's face it, if the withdrawals were never done and the deposits were that's $1,800. I should be playing live already, probably should have been long ago. What a waste of time and profits. I need to forgive myself or it's just going to eat me up inside. Maybe this is the best lesson I could have learned and maybe I need to continue to look at it each and everyday to remind myself what has passed, what could be right now, and what will be again unless I stay on course.
So, I go into tomorrow still searching for that elusive $400 account balance. Was today's losing session the beginnings of negative variance or a downswing, I hope not. I hope tomorrow I can bounce right back with a winning session. Getting beat by quads on three separate occasions and still end up only losing ($28) isn't all that bad in the grand scheme of things, but a quick $20 Profit start tomorrow would be awfully nice. We will see what happens simply taking it one day and one hand at a time.
In conclusion, as I'm sure you've noticed I changed the theme of the blog to a different color schematic. I did it for multiple reasons one of those being that I did have some readers that told me that the white writing on the black background was a little hard on the eyes. Another reason was I wanted a change and I have been wanting one for awhile just wasn't sure which form I wanted to go with and the final reason was I wanted something a little more brightening than the almost all black that I had before. Granted the new color schematic would never win any awards for bright and perky but I really like the one that I chose I really like the change that I made and I hope my readers do as well. That's all for now. Take care everyone and I'll see you at the tables.