Friday, July 8, 2016

The Big "C"

I wish the title of this entry was referring to poker in some way. The big continuation bet or the big cashout even but unfortunately this title has nothing to do with poker. In this case The Big "C" is the word nobody ever wants to hear and that word is cancer.

I got a new doctor since I'm living in a new area and I had my first appointment with her today and as she gave me what amounted to about 27 different referrals to different Specialists she spotted something on my nose of all places. It could have been a blemish or some sort of adult acne but she took one look at it and she said I think you have skin cancer and you need to get to a dermatologist to find out if that is it. I was somewhat incredulous and I said you got to be kidding me and all she said was go to the dermatologist and prove me wrong. I think she's hoping that I can prove her wrong.
Cancer in any form is scary as hell. The first thing I asked her immediately was is it fatal? She never skipped a beat and immediately answered absolutely not. That gave me a little reassurance but I find that ever since I came home from that appointment at around noon I'm nervous as hell. I don't like to feel nervousness or fear of any kind because to me I'm showing weakness, but I'll be honest I can't help it on this occasion. I'm finding that I'm very jittery and nervous, I catch myself tapping my hand incessantly throughout the day or tapping my foot when there's no music being played, that sort of thing. All I can do is wait for the doctors at the Cancer Center Dermatology Department to contact me. She told me to wait 3 to 5 business days and if I didn't hear from them give them a call. It's just one of a long list of referrals that she gave me. Check this out.

Because of the blood clot issues and the one in the lung that damn near killed me in February I need to be seen by a pulmonologist, a lung doctor.  She would also like to know why I get blood clots so that would be the second referral to a hematologist, a blood doctor at a different Cancer Center. The thing that put me on disability is a condition called Venous stasis which creates ulcers on my left leg which are in essence open wounds that take 12 to 18 months to heal when they hit me. These were caused by constant standing when I was working in the retail field and as you might imagine open wounds on a person's body for that length of time creates a lot of infections and the reason they put me on disability is they knew sooner or later one of those infections which spread to the bone and they would have no choice but to amputate my left leg. That was the defining reason why I was put on disability and it's also the defining reason why I, unlike so many people that apply for disability and get denied 2 or 3 times and have to hire a lawyer, I was immediately approved for it in approximately a month and a half at the time. With that said because of the Venous stasis condition she also gave me a referral to a vascular doctor. I'm fairly certain I have a tear in my right rotator cuff and my left shoulder also hurts and each morning I wake up with lower back pain. The back pain could be the excess weight that I carry as I do struggle with a weight condition which I am trying to rectify and it could be associated with simple middle age as I am 48 years old, but she wants me to have an MRI on both shoulders and the lower back and so the referral for that. The last thing she gave me was an order for a blood test which I find more of an annoyance than anything as you have to fast for 8 hours prior to that and is something that I will get done first thing in the morning when I do finally go do it.  She did give me a prescription of Percocet which I got filled and for the first time in months the arthritis in the knees has no pain. The cartilage is completely gone and it's bone on bone now and it cracks like a rifle shot every time I get up from a sitting position but God I love Percocet, it cures what ails you.

As for poker. July 7th was a day of a small profit, but it was also a day where 90% of the big pairs held up. I did get stacked with AA a couple of times but in the entire session I was never worse than even or maybe a couple of dollars down. Once again I hope this is a sign that I'm coming out of this negative variance. That I've been stuck in since the beginning of July but only the next few sessions will really answer that question. I only ended up with about four or five hours sleep last night and because of the doctor's appointment today I didn't get on the tables till 1:30 and was planning on playing my normal 12 hour session, but even a second caffeine pill couldn't stop me from being completely exhausted at about 11:30 so I called it a day after 10 hours instead of 12. Still got in over 2,700 hands and earned a profit of over $20. Ended the night with a bankroll of $487.07 which puts me in the green for total earnings of a paltry $1.07, however bonuses and rakeback has what has done it and I am still losing at the tables this month, but as I said I'm seeing signs that I'm coming out of it and hopefully over the next few days I can put together some really good sessions, but we still have to wait and see.

I have made a change to my bankroll management plan and the change was made because of my comfort level that I have talked about quite often. In July I have played some very limited $20NL and am showing a small profit with a relatively half-decent earn rate of course I've played less than six hundred hands so you can take nothing from that, but I discovered two things. The first is I am not comfortable playing $20 tables at my current bankroll and would prefer to have a bankroll of $600. The second is I don't like playing a single table of $20NL and would much prefer to have three $10 tables and three $20 tables going as I like the more even-keeled balance of the two levels. There are times when there are only two $20 tables available and during those times I would have four $10 tables and two $20 tables, until a 3rd $20 table became available.  That means I have a little over $112 to go till I hit the $600 bankroll and then I can jump in full force playing three tables of each when available.  When that time comes I will be on a strict $100 stop loss and this $100 is not just at the $20 tables it would be $100 in losses at all tables no matter what they were, but the bottom line is if the bankroll were to fall back down to $500 it would be back to $10 tables only until I was back at $600 once again.

I ran a little short on money this month as this was the final month that I will have to pay my landlady $550 and starting next month it will go to the normal $400, that and three delivery orders which was kind of foolish on my part, but they were so delicious, so it looks like I am going to have to get a loan from my bankroll for $50 to get me through the rest of the month. Paying this back will be no problem as I should have in the neighborhood of $250 leftover out of my August disability check.  I also have a friend coming into town and will be meeting up with her in August probably just grabbing lunch together or  something like that and I have another friend who's coming for a vacation for a few days in October and we already  decided that we will be hanging out when she arrives. Another friend will be stopping by to visit the next time she makes the run down Tucson and that would simply be a visit for a few hours or maybe the afternoon or something. 

The friend visiting in August I will refer to her as "Tracy". The friend visiting next time she makes the run down to Tucson I will refer to her as "Tammy" and the friend that's coming in October I will refer to her as "Sherry".  I have put all 3 of these girls in the friend zone as I am not looking to get involved with anybody in an exclusive long-term relationship. Let's face it as a struggling poker player running sessions 12 hours a day I really don't see how's that could be feasible at this time not to mention two of these three currently reside out of state and the 3rd is in Reno, however with that said I've been getting certain hints that they may have other things on their mind.  Tammy l, on numerous occasions has come out and said I love you and as far Sherry goes, well let's put it this way, if I were inclined to get into an exclusive relationship that's definitely the girl it would be. When Tammy and I do meet up we will either  give each other a hug or get locked in an embrace that would make Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara look like amateurs and as far as Sherry goes I just don't know where it's going to go. I don't even know if it could go anywhere. I have reminded her that we're just two friends spending a few days together after she referred to me as her "date in October" but what she doesn't know, and she'll never find out, is I could so easily fall in love with her and I'm going to have to fight with every last breath not to let that happen when she gets here.

I also have a couple of friends that are local girls one of which I will refer to as "Sally" who I had a date to take to a concert before we had a falling out awhile back that turned out to be a miscommunication on both our parts. We are talking again and, I don't know, we'll see what happens and the other is a European girl who I will refer to as "Mary" that I had met online when I was still in Tennessee and we too had a falling out, but it turns out my psychopathic ex girlfriend here in Las Vegas had threatened her on Facebook in a private message and warned her to stay the hell away from me. God I'm glad I'm rid of that little fkn troll I had gotten involved with. What the hell I ever saw in her is beyond me and I'm simply going to go with the assumption that I must have been going through temporary insanity at the time. Anyway "Mary" and I have also been texting on a daily basis. What happens from here is anybody's guess.

So that's going to be a wrap up. Overall not the best of poker days, but not the worst of days by a long shot and this month I'll take any day that shows any profit of any kind. I will keep you updated on the medical situation and anybody that might want to say a silent prayer it would be very much appreciated. I'm not overly religious and consider myself spiritual, but even I know prayer never hurts. So until next time, take care everyone, and I'll see you at the tables.

Bankroll: $487.07
Progress: 24.4%


  1. Best of luck with all of the referrals. Easy to understand how you'd be fidgety, getting them from a brand new doctor right out of the gate. Also, of all the names in the world, Tracy and Tammy may get confusing, and you couldn't think of a more European-sounding name than Mary??? :)

  2. In my case, about 8 years ago, they took a biopsy (left nostril) and it turned out to be basal cell carcinoma, the most common form of skin cancer. It was removed with Moh's surgery. The big "C" is always a frightening experience, but if it's any reassurance, basal cell would be one of the least harmful types. And before we jump the gun in your case, it could turn out to be nothing.

  3. Glad to hear you have what sounds like a great doctor who is doing all the right things.

    Is percocet addictive?

    1. Hell yea it is. I grew a beard and stayed in doors for a month when I broke a bone and the ER Dr. Prescribed too much. Party was over too soon. Miss you P xxo

  4. Hopefully the Big C would turn out to be a little C. Best of luck.

  5. Let's hope the doctor is wrong about the nose skin.

  6. Although it is easy to say, the worst thing is to worry and think of all kinds of bad thoughts when you don't even know if it is cancer. I hope you find out good news!

    However, I have a bone to pick with you. With all these ladies you mention, surely you should be able to procure at least one for a fellow gambler in Nevada? Say, a guy who loves poker, bj and vbj?

    1. I would not set up that certain Nevada gambler with any of my lady friends because I would like to KEEP them as friends lmao. Could you imagine the reaction if I set one of them up with him and they found out they were dealing with a racist, sexist, degenerate gambler who only wants to stay in a casino and looks on anyone who might indulge in an adult alcoholic beverage as a bad person?? OMG I could be hunted down and killed...... and I would deserve it if I did that to any of them lol.

  7. What the hell is a virtual blowjob?

  8. The more cushion the better I think. The added security will ease your mind. Consider how easy or how tough it is to replenish your bankroll from real world/non poker related means. Give yourself a chance to swim a bit in the higher stakes when your rolls at $800 I think you will heartbeat your way up graphically if you know what I mean. I think you play better on your own doe too plus you have other shit to worry about right now than jumping levels. Chill, grind and be well pokerbro.