Saturday, July 23, 2016

What I Am, What I Have Always Been, What I Will Be For Life

I know no matter what I write here very few will take the time to consider the in depth soul searching if you will. Many are going to simply look at it as more indecisiveness on my part and to a certain extent I can't blame anyone with these thoughts, but perhaps, just perhaps, if I fully explain what's been happening, what has happened, maybe, just maybe, some of my readers will understand what has happened in the whys of it.

Where did I get off track I don't mean recently I'm going back over a year ago. On Thursday I decided to have a day out and played some $2/$4 live limit cash at The Orleans. Ended up  losing $71 in about eight hours of play, but I had a very enjoyable time getting out, but the craziest thing in the world happened. It was something that I would never have believed possible. As I was playing that limit game, there were chips being thrown around, and I found myself actually bored. When I came home that night I was up until the very early morning hours trying to figure what happened, why was I feeling the way I was and then I started thinking from the beginning.

I've been playing poker for 12 years and I've always been a tournament player. when I was in Tennessee planning my move to Las Vegas it was to play tournaments full-time as well. Somewhere along the lines I got off that track, I started believing the only way that I could make consistent money was to switch over to a cash game player and maybe consistency is more in that aspect of poker, but if playing live no-limit it's something that nearly put me to sleep and if even the limit games that I always loved before seem boring to me there had to be a reason because it didn't make sense. Grinding online it seems to be the same thing all the time and it almost feels robotic.  
I was up till about 3 a.m. with all of this going over and over in my mind and then I realized it's because tournament play is always changing. The changes in the blinds, the stack sizes a lot of times determines what you can do and how you can approach it and for me I find cash games, for the most part, takes that away and it just seems so mundane to me. It was about 3 a.m. and I was ready to get some sleep and I realized I needed to go back to what I am, who I am, and no matter how I try to slice and dice it, no matter how many times I've gone back and forth back and forth over the last 6 months, when it comes right down to it I'm a tournament poker player and I always will be. I set my alarm for 8:30 a.m. to get up for the 9 a.m. $3 Deepstack Rebuy and I was determined I was never going to look back again. 

I know that I I'm going to get flamed for this and many readers are just going to tell me oh you're just flip-flopping again you're just doing this and you're just doing that and the Haters will have a field day, but it was actually two individuals that helped me to this realization. First was my friend Joseph AKA ManInBlack and as we were on the phone talking today and I was playing tournaments even though I didn't realize it he told me since I had returned to the tournaments today he could already see the difference. He could hear an excitement in my voice that had been lacking for a long time. The other individual was Kat Martin when he left his last comment the part where he said "if you want to play poker for profit you get in the good games" and for me that's tournaments, it always has been and always will be. PokerProLabs for 2016 shows me as having played 297 tournaments, total profits of $348.99 and an average ROI of 39.52%. In 297 tournaments played I have 76 final tables, and out of those 76 I have 27 top 3 finishes and 11 wins. Back in the day when I was playing on PokerStars in back to back years 2009 and 2010 I was ranked in the top 3% of over 1.9 million tournament Players. I've wasted so much time over the last 6 months trying to change what I never should have in the first place, going back and forth back and forth like somebody pacing a hole in the floor trying to find my way trying to find something that never should have left me in the first place, but I will never make that mistake again.

A big part of me was ready to toss everything after I wrote my last entry and I ended up texting with my friend "Sherry".  It seems she woke up in the middle of the night and thousands of miles away could sense that something was wrong with me.  She immediately texted me inquiring as to whether there was anything wrong, if I was ok and I tried to slide it off at first and not tell her what was going on with the poker, try to gear  the conversation towards how her day went, but she wouldn't hear anything of it, she wouldn't budge, she wanted to know what was happening, what was going on, and so I finally relented and told her what's been happening.  Admittedly I was pretty down about myself, my disappearing poker skills, and basically told her it was probably over. I had obviously lost something. It was her considered and vehement  opinion I might add, that what I needed to do is get right back at it. Take a short break if needed, but don't let the dream die. As far as she's concerned I'm already living the first part of the dream, living in Las Vegas, playing poker full-time and although I've tried to explain to her that that is not exactly the dream fulfilled she refuses to see anything but the positive. When it comes to this and it comes to me in general she is definitely a half-full glass type of person. I promised her that I wouldn't give up anything and you can never break a promise to a lady.

Today was the first full day back on tournaments and in the revised which I have stated I despise I cashed twice with two final tables. Total profit for today was $61.35. Since June 9th at the $10 NL tables in / 71000 hands I made $111 and then one day at the tournament tables and made more than half that. I have come home.

Go ahead rake me over the coals people maybe I deserve it because it took me far too long to realize what I'm now realizing. I've been so damn confused over the last 6 months on so many levels, but I know beyond the shadow of a doubt I know where I'm going now. Until next time take care everyone and I will definitely, now and forever, see you at the tables. 

9 comments:

  1. I think grinding any form of the game online for long stretches of time will result in joy sucking, robotification, and stupidification. In making your plans include in the schedule some variety that will not bust the bank, something like maybe a live cash session once a week or maybe once every two weeks, a small buyin live tournament once a week or every two weeks, and maybe an hour or two of a online cash game a couple of times a week. Build in some variety while still potentially working toward your goals. I think the variety will help keep your skills sharp. I think playing online exclusively affects many of your live skills and warps your perception of the frequency that beats occur. I also think playing exclusively online trains you not to look for the kind of information about the other players you can only get in a live game, mostly to due the volume of hands. Poker involves a complex skill set and each variant emphasizes a different subset of those skills. Mix it up and I think that you will be more satisfied and more successful.

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    1. This wasn't meant as criticism I hope you didn't take it as such. More of a suggestion to take a bus man's holiday every once in awhile in addition to the daily grind whatever that may be.

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  2. Stick with what you are good at and with what makes you happy. Simple.

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  3. Doesn't matter what other people think. You're the one who is going to have to live with your decisions, not them...

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  4. It’s hard to keep up with you bro. You just went through all the limit numbers, showed everyone why they are dead wrong about the rake lost playing live for one session and your back to tournaments again.

    This is from one of your blog posts before

    “I definitely could continue with the full-time tournament plan because I'm a damn good tournament player but the $2/$4 session last night made me realize just how much I absolutely love those limit games. These people are loose, they are passive, and the chips are flying. 6 to a flop, people calling down with pocket twos, I mean it can't get better than that. This is no surprise to my readers because I posted on my blog before about how much I enjoy these games and every time I have I always get a dozen different people telling me the rake can't be beat at $2/$4. The rake can't be beat at $3/$6 and it has to be $4/$8 before you can beat the rake in a live limit game. Guess what people I'm here to tell you that you are dead wrong. “

    So was everybody dead right then? Is this the end of the limit dream after one day?

    “but I actually enjoyed playing the limit cash game even more than playing in a tournament. I know no one ever thought I would say that, hell I never thought I would say that,”

    You are saying the same stuff, but you have just reversed games and changed the words limit holdem for tournaments!

    "I started today with a new determined attitude and purpose and a plan that is one that I never should have gotten off of and that is to simply grind cash games. I am avoiding tournaments altogether even freerolls because I do not want the temptation of a deep run to start me thinking that that's the road I need to be on when I have realized its the opposite one. I need to go by the earnings that I've had thus far and based on those the cash game grind in December and January provided the best earnings."

    ^^^ About rebuys

    "The title of this blog post is "The Final Return." The meaning behind it is the return to the cash games and this will be the final return that I make. I do not for one second expect any of my readers to believe that because of my past history of switching on and off different games and my last post was about utilizing variety so that I don't get bored, but the fact of the matter is this form of poker that I am grinding now is the only chance I have of getting to my $2,000 goal. I have exhausted all other avenues. I have tried everything else. I tried the SNGs, but they're not prevalent enough to make it worth the time or make the earnings needed. I tried grinding $1 and $2 and MTTs. With the variance inherent in those and certain sustainable ROIs that can be expected while I will make a profit from them it's not enough. It took me 10 days to make $14, can you imagine how long it would take to get to $2,000?

    I do not expect any of my readers to believe that I am going to stick with this, but just sit back, enjoy the ride, and you will see I will be doing so this time not because I want to mind you, but because I have no other options available to me."

    Tony Big Charles changes locations, and you change variants of poker. It’s cool bro you have a good way with words and I am rooting for you big time, I just don’t want you to fool yourself into thinking this path is something new, you do this all the time.

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  5. Good Luck FD, i hope you find happiness playing tourneys.

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  6. If I refrain from saying anything this time, am I allowed to have some fun with it in a few weeks ... days ... hours ... minutes when you switch back to cash games? : o )

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  7. Flush:

    Congrats on feeling comfortable with your decision - that's a good thing. My only advise would be to avoid definative declarations regarding what type of poker you will play:

    "...when it comes right down to it I'm a tournament poker player and I always will be. I set my alarm for 8:30 a.m. to get up for the 9 a.m. $3 Deepstack Rebuy and I was determined I was never going to look back again."

    I don't believe anyone has an issue with what type of game you play. I do think you set yourself up for being questioned/doubted when you use definative statements regarding your current/future game choices.

    Perhaps you're simply someone who enjoys a variety of play; nothing wrong with that - be comfortable with it and embrace it.

    s.i.

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  8. I don't know what your bankroll looks like, but there is a ton of variance in tournaments, just sayin'. Good luck.

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