Friday, March 17, 2017

Breaking Point

March has been rough. In the first 84 Holdem tournaments that I have played on my own dime and on a half stake during the month of March as of the end of play on Sunday March 12th I had no less than 22 different instances of major coolers. These are a QQ running into KK and AA, AQ and AJ running into AK, 99 or TT running into JJ or QQ, I am sure you know exactly what I'm talking about. In those 84 tournaments I also had instances where I was beat by a 2 or 3 outer on 12 separate occasions, and I lost with three of a kind or a flopped set 7 times. I have been knocked out of a tournament or crippled so bad that it really didn't matter with the hands of AA, KK, QQ, JJ, AK, and AQ 25 times in 84 tournaments played. 

As bad as it's been, Monday the 13th topped it all.  AA cracked by A4o and out, I get knocked out of another with my AK vs AJ.  in yet another tournament I finish on the bubble when my QQ gets beat and then in the 7:30 p.m. $800 Gtd I get knocked out of another with QQ leaving me with less than 10 big blinds. Somehow I'm able to build it back up and later on get involved in a three-way all-in pre-flop when I have AA vs 99 vs TT and I lose to both of the hands. The 99 flopped a set the TT ends up going runner runner straight and I was out of the 7:30 as well.  I hit the fkn roof. 

I was livid. Losing tournaments is one thing, but losing with what I have lost with this month is outright fkn ridiculous. I withdrew the entire remaining balance of $526 that I had online at that point.  To hell with it, let's give the live tournaments a run for the money. 10 buyins at Sam's Town, $100 on the side for expenses, let's go for the gold or go for broke.  I texted my buddy MIB to let him know what was happening expecting him to simply wish me luck in my endeavor.  As a friend I would expect him to hope that I would be successful, but instead what do I get from this friend...... I get a lot of bullshit facts and figures.  I get him having me calculate not just the 2 for 40 run I waa having this month at that point in the $3 deepstack rebuys, but instead calculate the whole thing for the year, and when I did, it showed me that even as bad as I have run in that particular tournament in March  I still am holding a 69% ROI overall in that specific tournament after 154 played. I really didn't need this kind of crap from him, being logical, being the voice of reason, forcing actual numbers in my face, how dare he lol. I simply needed my friend too wish the best for me and naturally agree with me of course, but no I didn't get that. Instead I get reasonableness, logic, and, calm assessment. That's not what I wanted from him, I reiterate, how dare he lol. 

It took him nearly 2 hours over the phone to calm me down. He told me he completely understood and that it was obvious the bubble finish and 7:30pm tournament was just simply a breaking point for me and I was steaming and if I insisted on doing my plan he definitely was hoping for the best for me but for some reason he wanted to keep inserting logic and reasonability into this conversation which was the last thing in the world I wanted to hear, but whether it's fortunately or unfortunately, he was successful in his task and I reversed the withdrawal.  

I only played three tournaments the following day with one 7th place finish. I withdrew $150 and then spent the next couple of days over my friends Michelle house. Definitely needed to get at least one live tournament in and I played to the shovefest donkfest $50 tournament over at the Golden Nugget. MIB decided he wanted in on half the action and away I went. 25 entrants only the top three were getting paid and unfortunately I finished in 6th, but damn I enjoyed playing in that live tournament so damn much. It may have been a good thing or it may have been a bad thing because it's just got me more and more determined to get off of the full time online grind and mix in some live tournaments with it.  It's like a never-ending craving. Give me live tournaments are like crack and just like the drug also takes is one time to get you hooked and believe me ladies and gentlemen I was hooked on live tournament play years ago. 

I may have reversed that largeish withdraw but playing at The Golden Nugget just enhanced that never-ending craving and to that end I am taking immediate steps to get off of this full time online grind as fast as possible. To hell with waiting, but even I understand that I do need to have some backup money so effective immediately not only has my online bankroll approach just changed, but the monetary goal has been significantly decreased.

Online Bankroll:  $1,000
Aria:  $500
Golden Nugget:  $280
Expenses:  $220

All I need to do is get to $2,000 in earnings so I can get the hell away from this computer and out in the real world for at least a 4-day try. Unfortunately till I get there I will keep grinding, but a significantly different approach. I'm setting my low point bankroll of $500 which means below $500 it's only $3 deepstack rebuys and nothing else, but a bankroll of $500 and above and I'm dabbling in $20 tournaments maybe I can only do it for a day here and there maybe the bankroll will fluctuate from above $500 to below $500 to back up, but I am not sitting back waiting for thousand dollars before I start playing these $20 tournaments because just a couple deep runs in his these will Skyrocket tbe situation. For the rest of March MIB and I being I are involved in another half action stake agreement with me playing the $20 deepstack freezeouts each day. $160 is the cost for each of us so let's see how we roll in these the rest of the month. 

So I went in for the laser eye surgery and lo and behold contrary to the information I was given when the appointment was made they refused to do both eyes at the same time. So we started with the right eye, did that one, and I'll have to have the left eye done in 2 weeks.  He warned me I would have blurry vision for 20 minutes, he told me that's because of the dilation that would be an issue, but what he didn't tell me and to wit why I had visions and fantasies of committing a freaking homicide, was that my eye would water almost non- stop for two straight hours. Grrrrrrr!!

After 4 hours my eyes return back to normal or at least what was normal for me. The doctor that I'm dealing with was actually very nice all during the procedure which was a far cry from what he was during the initial consultation.  Granted he's an eye doctor, but the man had all the patience, understanding, and consideration of a spitting cobra during that initial visit so the change in his overall attitude was definitely a pleasant surprise. I do try to be understanding about these things and maybe he was just having a bad day that first time it happens to us all.  So in two weeks I will get the left eye done and then I can put this behind me and just go on and continue to enjoy life and seeing this beautiful world and every bit of beauty, enchantment, and mystery it has to offer.

That's a wrap up for now. Yesterday I played just a couple of tournaments not counting the $20  deepstack that's part of the half  action stake and I finished 6th in one of them for a $41 return so nothing significant. Today will be my first full day schedule in several days and I have dropped the 6-max tournaments that I've been playing. I don't feel they are in my wheelhouse although I did retire them with a small profit. I've added the $2 rebuy back in after looking over PokerProLabs and finding that when I used to play it I went 3 out of 10 so not quite sure why I stopped comma but knowing me probably because of the smallish payouts for first place in the $50 to $70 range, but at 11 o'clock in the morning I'm not doing much else anyway so I might as well throw it in. Until next time take care everyone and I'll see you at the tables.

Bankroll:  $657.47
Goal:  $2000
Progress:  33%



  1. Remember all those times you scoffed at people telling you that tournament poker is high variance? I'm not saying they're right; just testing your memory.

  2. Hope you get to play more live.... I know what you mean about the live poker ... Good luck.

  3. FD, I highly recommend Elements of Poker by Tommy Angelo if you haven't already read it. You have a serious case of entitlement tilt. You got to fix it or it will fix you.

    1. I have not read that particular book but The Mental Game of Poker by Jared Tendler and Barry Carter cover that as well. I do have to admit that a tilty, chip spewy player is more fun to watch than a disciplined, even keeled one though...

    2. Tommy Angelo is the nuts. Just published a new book.

  4. I may have got the terminology wrong, look for injustice tilt.

  5. I agree with Pokerdogg. Read up on variance, and try to focus more on "did I make the correct decision" rather than the result of the hand.

    I am a winning poker player, recreational, but I could never do this for a living, as I have your tendencies to a lessor degree. I have issues with what Pokerdogg calls "entitlement/inujstice tilt". I actually play better on tilt, but mentally it is hard, as I am boiling over inside. Difficult to explain, I know it sounds strange :)