I tried to continue to play the cash games, but as I did so no matter what I tried, 2 tabling, 1 tabling, even 3 tabling at one point, I just could not help being utterly uninterested in it even detesting it to a certain degree. Take the 18th for instance. I jumped in a $20NL game, was only playing one cash game at the time and soon into it I get it all in preflop with AA vs Villain' s KK. The aces hold, I double up to $40, and that should have given me some sort of positive emotion from it, but all it generated was a blase feeling. All in all I'm up $53 this month in cash games, won another $40 from them last month, but whether I'm winning or whether I'm losing I just really cannot stand it and I can't explain why. It's poker I'm doing fairly well at it, I should love it, but I hate it.
On Saturday the 21st I finally decided that if I dislike something that much then it's definitely not something that I'm going to be doing in my poker. I mean let's face it poker is enjoyable first and foremost. Every player out there that plays, I mean we do it because we love it and if I'm on the complete opposite end of the spectrum regarding a certain aspect of my poker then it's just something that I need to not be doing. I personally believe this inherent dislike has been affecting me in other areas such as these long sleep sessions that I've been having. I think this is directly related to the fact that whether it's in my conscience or subconscious mind, something is telling me I don't want to get up because I'm going to be doing something I really don't want to be doing. Even the fact that I would be playing tournaments also during that day isn't enough to overcome that. I end up just turning off my alarm and sleeping for 12, 14, and even 16 hours. This is exactly what happened on Friday the 20th, and I did not get a single hand of Poker played so going into Saturday I finally said enough. I need to do what I want to do, I need to do what I love and I think I find it more than a coincidence that at no time during the course of Saturday did I even consider wanting to go to sleep and on Sunday morning I got up with my alarm for the first time in forever. Well actually I woke up with the second alarm but I was up and at it for the 9 a.m. tournament. On Saturday or Sunday I did not play a single hand of cash and instead, as the day progressed, I just kept looking forward to the next tournament coming up.
A situation I find I am facing is that what I wrote in a blog entry recently, when I tried to put it into practice, I found the implementation of it not being what I thought it would be and found myself backing away from what I thought would be an extraordinarily simple situation. On my last entry I wrote about how as my bankroll increased by $100 increments how many different $20 tournaments I could add to the mix. In part I wrote the following.
"If my account balance is at $600 then I may add one $20 tournament that particular day. If it is $700 then I may allow myself two $20 tournaments that day, if it's at $800 then I may allow myself to play three of them a day."
Well on two separate occasions during the last week I've had my account balance starting the day at just over $800, but when it came to the implementation I realized I had no intentions of playing three $20 tournaments on either of those days and in each case I kept myself to just one $20 tournament the first time I faced the opportunity and a single $25 tournament the second time I had the opportunity. I mean it seemed completely reasonable to when I wrote about it, but when the time came to actually put it into play I backed way off. The question is why? Why am I all of a sudden developing, what to me is, an ultra-conservative bankroll management approach and more importantly by doing so am I letting potential value escape me.
Maybe it's because with only a few hundred dollars left over each month $800 is not immediately and easily replaceable, but actually that doesn't make sense because the worst that I could be even if I lost three of the $20 tournaments would be from $800 to $740 and obviously that's not counting any losses I might taking in my normal tournaments that cost $6 and $10 that I play, but no matter how you look at it three $20 tournaments on any particular day is not going to make or break me so why am I being so hesitant? Am I'm being smart about it or overly cautious. I don't know what the answer is all I know is that as my bankroll increases I'm becoming more restrictive with what I'm willing to spend it on pokerwise. Is this a fault or a strength? Is this being smart or is this being fearful? I'm really not sure all I am sure of is the higher the bankroll climbs the more protective I am being with it.
Another area that I'm questioning myself is something that I tweeted about on Twitter and if you don't follow me on Twitter this is what was tweeted in part.
"If your bankroll allows u to play a $20 tournament once a day & other than that your bankroll stipulates you play in lower priced ones during the course of the day. When you're running a bit cool would you still want to play that $20 tournament each day because your bankroll says you can or would you prefer to wait until you see signs you're heating back up before throwing that $20 tournament in there. Something can be said for both sides as that $20 tournament could be the one that snaps you out of your cool run in a big way then again it could be considered throwing good money after bad when you know you're not running well."
Again here I have been taking the more conservative approach. If I see myself taking bad beats to get knocked out of tournaments or running into coolers or not seeming to be able to win a coin flip and I find myself running 0 for my last 7 or 0 for my last 9 I generally, no matter what the bankroll may be at that time, will pass on playing the $20 tournament until I see some signs that I'm coming out of it. The question again is this the intelligent approach or is this just another aspect of fear slipping in the equation. I really don't know the answer to that question either. As always I welcome all thoughts and opinions to any of the topics touched on in this entry.
I will continue to throw in a single $20 tournament providing my bankroll is at $800 and above or even $700 and above. When will I be comfortable tossing in multiple $20 tournaments per day....... I don't currently know the answer to that. Will I feel comfortable doing it when I have $900 available to me or will it not be until I have $1,000. Ordinarily I would just simply tell you what the answer is, but I am finding from my recent experience of the $800 account balance that I'm not going to know until the situation actually presents itself.
So to conclude let me bring you up-to-date with what the monthly situation is through Sunday the 22nd. After play ended on Sunday the 15th at that point for the month I was up $218 in total earnings. As I entered Sunday the 22nd total earnings for April were $191 down $27 for the last 6 days with planned tournament costs for the day coming in at $54, but some additional rebuys when I got in a little bit of trouble in a couple of tournaments ended up making it $65. Unfortunately over the previous six days I hit a bit of a tournament slump going to 2 for 16 with a 5th place and 4th place finish in two different $3 deepstack rebuys. I was also 0 for my last 9 played.
The 9 a.m. $350 guaranteed, 12 p.m. $400 guarantee, and 3:15 p.m. $350 guaranteed 6Max went nowhere bringing me to 0 for my last 12. The next two tournaments were the 4 p.m. $350 guaranteed and the 4:30 p.m. $500 guaranteed and it was in these two tournaments that I noticed things starting to turn back my way. It wasn't turning back my way because I was winning some large all-ins, but when you re in a tournament cool stretch and you're not winning coin flips to save your life sometimes the sign you're coming out of it is just a hand playing to showdown where you have for example KQ vs Villain's 99 and you end up winning the hand. It doesn't have to be for a lot of chips just an instance where you were a coinflip pre and you end up winning the hand even if the pot is small, that doesn't really matter, but these are the signs that you look for that things are starting to turn back around.
I noticed it first in the 4:30 p.m. $5 deepstack rebuy $500 guaranteed and I actually ended up finishing out of the money in that one, but that's where I noticed the first signs and in the 4 p.m. $350 guaranteed I ended up finishing 3rd for a $72 return. It was a very disappointing 3rd as at one point with five or six players left I had a substantial chip lead. With that $72 cash that guaranteed me having a winning day of a grand total of $7, but I still had two tournaments left going. The 7:30 p.m. $800 guaranteed and the 9:30 p.m. $500 guaranteed and I was able to pull down a 6th place finish in the $800 guaranteed for an additional $57 on the day. I played tournaments for about 15 hours and ended up making $64 or a little over $4 an hour, but that's the amazing thing about poker. If just one or two hands goes just a little bit differently then that same day I'm making over $30 an hour. You just gotta love it.
There has been an additional issue in April. I am not running well at all in the more expensive tournaments. Completing action yesterday in $5 and $10 deepstack rebuys and $20 and $25 deepstack and superstack freezeouts I've gone 0 for 21 in these tournaments with losses of ($324). The $3 deepstack rebuys have been my saving grace as when action was completed yesterday this month I had gone 11 for 41 in those with earnings of $521. I don't know why there's such a discrepancy and it may simply be that my sample size is too to make any significant determinations, but it is definitely and obviously a noticeable difference.
Going into today for the 3rd time in the last 7 days I start with a bankroll just over $800. Obviously I have started running a little warm again so there will be a single $20 tournament played today unless of course I run very deep in something early then possibly and probably a 2nd will be tossed into the mix. I only got about an hour's worth of a semi-sleep situation because of something very interesting that happened during the overnight and I'll let you know about that in my next entry probably within a few days followed by an end of the month report for April's final results and May's goals. That's going to wrap this one up. Until next time, as always, take care everyone, and I'll see you at the tables.